Tuesday, September 23, 2014

marriage letters: to cherish




dear pjm.

"to love and to cherish till death do us part."

we recited those lines to one another.  cherish.adore.fancy.worship.admire.  living those verbs was mostly effortless.  you loved, provided, romanced, encouraged, protected and i mostly adored you for each of those actions.  yes, i suffered from bouts of irritation and we endured seasons of painful growth,  as individuals & a couple. but the life we shared was a treasured gift to one another.

you are still here.  alive & breathing & walking.  and i am learning to cherish this time with you.  once we moved you from our home, your behavior was unpredictable & sometimes scary.  i continued my visits because i cherished our marriage & the memories of those healthy years.  but visiting was more out of obligation, not because i desired to see you. ouch. that's painful to write & i am sure even more painful to read.  but as more time passes and i see the physical toll this disease is taking on your body, i realize these days of visiting are limited. i am learning to cherish our last moments together. i don't have a visiting punch card that indicates the number of visits remaining, but i cherish your hand holding mine.  i cherish walking quiet along the garden path.  i cherish watching the train pass by with you.  i even cherish the gentle kisses you place upon the foreheads of distraught female residents.

i hold all of this dear because i realize our next phase will bring you physically closer to home, but it will be to rest peacefully at the cemetery just around the corner from the home you built for me.  the background noise & distraction of all the others makes focusing on you & us all the more challenging.  i grow irritated with some of them, wanting to explain these are are only moments together.  but like you, they too are sick and don't grasp the magnitude of what is happening.   please know, my love, i cherish our hours together strolling hallways & pathways.  your hand gently grasping mine.

enshrining our love & marriage-even when death will separate us.
chrissy


the inspiration behind this post is from "marriage letters" by seth & amber haines.  they are taking the summer off because she is busy writing a book which i am excited to read.  my daughter, amber, wrote a post about marriage being like the movies, but better.  click on her name and read it! i write them to remember the preciousness of my marriage as my husband lets go of his grip on health & life due to a terminal illness.

6 comments:

  1. Phew. All of the tears. I admire yours and Amber's honesty and passion.

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    1. thanks Cassie for reading along with our journey!

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  2. I knew I shouldn't read this at work then did it anyway and of course ... tears!!
    This is so beautiful and painful at the same time. I can never imagine what you are going through but glad you give us little glimpses into this trying time for you, your marriage and your family! xo Laura

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    1. that is life…beauty & pain. some of one more than the other in certain seasons. this is a more painful season but the gift in it is just knowing the love & marriage i had and that our children got to witness that-and even this part of honor & commitment. xo!

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  3. Your letter of love speaks volumes of what true and honest love is all about. Your days are beyond difficult but you demonstrate beautiful grace. Hand holding is so sweet and I know Peter cherishes this just as much as you do��

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    1. yes, he does cherish all of this in his sweet heart. thanks for being so faithful my friend. love you!

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