Friday, June 27, 2014

marriage letters: comparison

dear pjm-
so the task at hand is to compare our marriage to something else.  an analogy of sorts i suppose.  i first thought i could compare it to darius rucker's song "might get lucky" because it was all of those things that you did during the day for me & our family that would lead to a glass of chardonnay after the kids were put to bed.  but that's kind of mushy & causes a little blip on the "sexy time" meter which makes me blush so we won't go there.

then i thought of the circus. our marriage was not like the circus that pulls into town for three performances and then loads up to perform at the next little city.  i am talking about the barnum & bailey kind that your uncle ron worked for.  you know, the kind with a lion trainer snapping his whip as the lioness leaps gracefully thru a flaming ring-a motorcyclist riding his honda inside a metal sphere-a clown bursting out of a cannon along with enough confetti to fill time square at the stroke of midnight on new year's eve. but then there is poop & straw from the animals that has to be cleaned up & programs & popcorn littering the sports arena floor that have to be gathered and tossed & crying, overtired children that have to be drug to their cars.  that's not the kind of marriage we had.  no, it wasn't ever one that left a trail of debris, clutter and exhaustion.

our marriage was bold, yet warm and safe and comforting, like a panini.  layers & textures all with their separate qualities gathered gently and placed one atop of another.  two slices of hearty bread stuffed with chicken, provolone, roasted veggies, and pesto-the outside of the bread, brushed with olive oil & placed in a heated sandwich press where each of the individual flavors lost some of itself in order to create a culinary comfort food. with the right ingredients, it's not just a sandwich but a delectable meal pressed within two toasted slices of bread.

and that was our marriage.  a slice called pjm & a slice called chrissy.  two hearty souls rich in texture & contrast.  children were added along with careers and passions and commitments.  the warmth of emotions & love challenged each element to give up a piece of its individuality in order to meld into this beautiful & messy thing we call our marriage. the olive oil of God generously coating us, sealing in His goodness while protecting us when the heat and pressure of the world grew with intensity.  yes, love, our marriage was the perfect panini.  homey. comforting. a blend of you & me that satisfied the hunger in one's soul.

ciao bello & love you-

the inspiration behind this post is from "marriage letters" by seth & amber haines.  they are taking the summer off because she is busy writing a book which i am excited to read.  my daughter, amber, wrote a post about marriage being like the movies, but better.  click on her name and read it! i write them to remember the preciousness of my marriage as my husband lets go of his grip on health & life due to a terminal illness.


  1. I really love this post- you're a talented writer just like Amber!

  2. does the panini come with tomato soup? or i'll settle for a cup of minestrone... i just know it's in my genes to long for a dip just like someone who shall remained unnamed but a hint -he's masculine. :) it is always the warmth and ooey-gooey goodness that makes paninis so delicious... and probably what made your marriage so wonderful to me, to us as kids. (and even now as adults though your kids we always will be)