Monday, March 3, 2014

dear february...

dear february....
way to hold out until the very last day to do a little winter like role play with us.
it seems you dumped more rain in 24 hours than you have all season.
and all that dampness made my hair wavy.
i looked as if i had gone to the hairdresser so she could coif my locks
into that spiral perm i had in the 90s.
is this part of being #niftyfifty-random & wild curly mane?

and big moves here at home.  more like away from home.
#teamthomas moved into their first home a few miles from me.
and i am adapting to another change as best as i know how!

and sweet brown eyes was a "hero" at school.
 he received recognition at the school-wide flag salute & in his class.
he shared photos & items that define who he is.
and as we poured over a box of old photos a few days prior,
 his honest words amazed me.
"no mom. no photos of dad. don't want kids to ask about him. that's too sad
to talk about in the middle of my classroom."
  amen son.  couldn't agree more.  so damn sad.
and he then graciously accepted my tears in the middle of that school room.
and yes, he was a hero at school that one week, but at home?
 my hero.  every week.

and the reality of being a single mom struck me-like a bolt of lightning.
like it's all me.  my job to make sure those sweet brown eyes are shaped into a man.
respectful. responsible. honest.  a man i would want my daughter to marry.
daunting task to ponder in the dark of night.
i did the most mature, adult-like thing i could think.
i cried myself to sleep.  and then woke at 2:16 am and cried some more.
thankfully i have this frozen eye mask that semi-cures those crybaby swollen eyelids.
and i know there are so many in our lives that are here for us,
but ultimately-it's all on my shoulders.
and that's scary as shit. in the dark of night.
{and some days even at high noon}
and i remind myself it's like a marathon.  train today.
and during the race, take it a mile at a time.  don't focus on mile 23 till you are a bit closer.
just run the mile you are running.

and reading this month.
not many books.  only one in fact.
the goldfinch.
it deserved its own little post.
honestly, it seems detailed remix of catcher in the rye in my opinion.
holden & theo-two birds of a feather.

speaking of theo...have you seen @mommasgonecity on instagram?
she has a boy & a dog.  #theoandbeau.  adorable. all. day. long.
if you don't have instagram.  get it.  if you do.  follow her.

and "one little word" is going well.  nourish.
and i did sign-up to for a pen pal.  we exchanged our first letters.
she told me about her life...then share her husband had an additciton to porn.
my fingers are now speechless, floundering at what to write back.
any suggestions? is ignoring that detail the "right" pal thing to do?
holy smokes.  way to dish it in the first letter.

and my crockpot simmered this up for us the other night
chicken tortilla soup-i added canned shoe-peg corn instead of frozen.
delicious.  a must try.
and so is this italian wedding soup from the blog "life{in}grace"-amazing!
but add the spinach just a few minutes before serving
otherwise it feels slimy, and you likes that mouthfeel?
not me.  you?  most likely not. ever.

february.  thanks for being gentle.



  1. Reading this made me tear up. You are so brave for taking this all on by yourself. I know you are shaping a good man in sweet brown eyes. Stay strong! <3

  2. Sometimes brave is the only option. It doesn't mean it doesn't feel as scary as shit. And we will stay strong along with our trust in Him. Thanks for the love Ashten.