Wednesday, February 19, 2014

marriage letters: once upon a time

dear pjm.

once, about 29 years ago, there was this part-time bank teller who was attending a jr college.  she held a quiet confidence in her heart about lots of things but she was very distrusting in matters of love.  you remember, as a tot her daddy left the family and never returned.  and somehow in her little girl logic, she was sure she had done something to make him disappear.

one night, shortly after turning 21, that little girl turned bank teller took her navy wool skirt & white button down shirt adorned with an complementing navy bow {promise it perfectly defined "business casual" in 1985} to a bar with a few of her girlfriends.  this seldom happened because she spent most nights studying or going to bed early so she could crack the books before the sun rose.  she looked very out of place amongst the bar crowd in their jeans and casual tops, but the music was loud and it felt so alive and carefree, so she quickly removed the tie & unbuttoned the top two blouse buttons and stayed dispite the fact she was fashionably challenged.

and, my dear husband, this is how we met.  at the entrance to the restrooms of the old del mar cafe.  you, pjm, so handsome in your jordache jeans. collared shirt. sperry top siders.  i noticed you immediately & you spoke to me with a casual confidence and i let you buy me a drink and i let you dance with me and i let you make me laugh. and then i let down my guard and gave you my home phone number.  i knew you would never call, but you did.  and we dated and fell in like and then in love.

yes, it was complicated.  love is.  you had two beautiful daughters and i knew little {actually, absolutely nothing} about raising children.  but we married and added to that family you already had. and then we added another ten years later and we had dreams as a family.  dreams much grander than those of that daddyless little girl who didn't want to share her heart.  you showered me with a life rich in experiences & adventures far beyond anything i could have imagined.  and you protected my heart, respecting my fears about love while proving i could trust you.  thank you for holding it so gently while allowing it to grow in love with you-our family-and in Christ.

and i dreamt of nana & popsicle's being the magical sweet spot for our grandbabies.  long summer days filled with splashing in the pool slathered with too little sunscreen, you teaching them the art of the "gwink" from a can of whip cream, eating handfuls of cherry tomatoes fresh from the garden, and snatching fresh eggs out from under the bums of our family of hens. but life's circumstances often transform dreams into a much different reality. like with you. me. and all those grandbabies.

thank you for those years of love and adventure that grew this girl's heart & confidence for this season of losing you.  because of our once upon a time marriage, i can live without you. yes, uncertain about what our future will look like because once upon a time always ended with happily ever after in this girl's mind.  and i am learning happily ever after is no longer defined as a little old married couple throwing open the front door every sunday for family dinner.  instead sometimes it means a wife clinging to the warm memories of her once upon a time & lives the balance of her happily ever after with the legacy you left behind.

but never once, do i regret laughing & dancing & falling for you in the middle of that bar on that night some 29 years ago.  thanks for saying "hey...", and looking past that uptight business getup i was wearing.

love you pjm.
chrissy


this post is part of "marriage letters" and you can link up and read other letters about "once upon a time...".  thank you amber haines at the RunaMuck.com

8 comments:

  1. and near tears I am. once again. because the love you two have. had. has. is a beautiful rare thing. how lucky am i to see it so dearly. so lucky, that's what i am.

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    1. yes. a beautiful rare thing. and dang him. miss that guy in those jeans. but i have you kids that remind me of him-DAILY!

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  2. Loving this! It's a beautiful tribute to showing how you "two" came to be. :)

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  3. Loved that you shared your love story as it is so great!! And though it has changed from what you dreamed it would be, what continues to be told between you and Peter is beautiful, painful and a vivid story of what real love is.

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    1. painful & beautiful...such a perfect set of adjectives to describe it! love my dear friend. thanks for always reading...

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  4. I'll hold my guy a little closer, tonight. Thank you for sharing this. Clicked through from Amber's.

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    1. Brandee. Thanks for stopping by & a tight squeeze is essential, especially when life gets busy and the urgent screams louder than the important.

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