Tuesday, January 21, 2014

when convictions meet challenges...

weddings.  a bride with grace & purpose & beauty. her groom, strong & confident, drinks in every ounce of her bridal splendor.  the love a couple shares in front of dear guests on their day is often so thick & palpable, like the relentless fog which blankets san francisco on cool summer mornings.

gifts have been unwrapped-duplicates returned. the honeymoon becomes a memory of warm & tropical-while sun-kissed skin fades.  a routine of daily life together finds its groove as the foggy, lusty love from the wedding can dissipate as reality shines brighter.  those promises to love & cherish one another from now until forever begin to be tested & tried by the wear and tear of everyday life.

pjm can no longer say "i love you".  yet, because of a conviction-decision-promise we made years ago, my actions continue to say "i do".  i will marry you yesterday, today and tomorrow because that one day when you ask i said yes.  and circumstances change-life gets broken, but it never means my "yes" was a mistake or is now somehow stamped "INVALID".  in fact, with him lacking a voice, i am adamant to honor the marriage we built around the love Christ designed so perfectly for an imperfect & broken world.  like a beautiful artifact, with scars & flaws,  i hold my vows dear in his broken and in my imperfections.

and there it sits, smack in the middle of our marriage & circumstances.  pjm points me to Christ.  his sick has forced me to weigh my convictions against the circumstances we have been dealt.  and i so often admit {sometimes only through a faint whisper} that i wholehearted believe in Christ-even in this.  not just as a place for our souls to live after our weary bodies fail us, but that His soul-nurturing takes place right here.  right in the middle of a dementia care facility.  heaven & earth grow closer as i am pressed toward living my convictions. and truthfully, i would never have been boldly honest about my faith without Him forcing me.  i truly would have preferred to his wife & partner for years to come, but God sees a broader landscape that is more soul growing than my narrow vision.  and because i believe, i press on.  and i have learned those wedding vows are the very convictions of my heart.  then. now. forever.

1 comment:

  1. in the words of wilbur johnson, he was your first, last, and always. and, so is He. such a funny way marriage points us in directions always unexpected, but never disappointing... at least not big D disappointing in the way the end justifies the painful means to get there. oh how blessed we were and are to learn from the marriage that is, was, and will always be yours.