Tuesday, December 24, 2013

he's a mean one...mr. grinch!

merry Christmas eve!  sending a holiday high five to one & all.

so i can breathe.  some days not deep cleansing breaths, more like short gasps of just a few molecules of oxygen but air pressed in and out of my lungs reminding me i am alive and that life continues on.  a year ago, the reality of dementia dealt our family a mighty blow as pjm's wandering became his obsession.  morning-noon-night.  he desired to walked our local streets.  and me, his wife, but more importantly during this time my role was his caregiver and i became obsessed as well.  my preoccupation  was tracking his whereabouts.  this crazy disease had stolen his ability to recall his personal information and his fumbly fingers were confused about how to dial his cell phone.  last christmas eve morning is was sprinkling and pjm was no where to be found.  i was frantically searching for him while attempting to find a calm within my family.  but this disease had broken us-all of us.  pjm's mind and our peace as a family.  ams bravely spoke the words we all did not want to give life to...this cannot be done anymore. he is not safe. we are not at peace. it is time to past the care-giving reins on to professionals trained to deal with this disease.

and here we sit a year later.  with Christmas and all it's messiness of last year coupled with the unknowns and life here at home without pjm has the potential to ransack my heart of the joy of celebrating Christ's birth.  just like mr. grinch loading up every ounce of Christmas in who-ville in a well orchestrated attempt to divert Christmas cheer, i contemplate how this "mama who" finds joy in the middle of dementia?  i can place my sorry self atop of a grumpy mountain and look down at all who appear to have more blessings than me this holiday season or i can step down from my self-righteous lonely mount and join all the "whos".  and those "whos" know how to celebrate-not even martha stewart can compete with their wild abandon of Christmas food & festivities & ornamentation.

and in who-ville on Christmas morning when all that was supposed to sing Christmas was gone, they gathered around, holding hands and sang with Christmas joy in spite of all that had been stolen that Christmas eve night.  and this season, this "mama who" holds hands & hearts with my sweet "who" family as we gather around our Christmas embracing each other a little tighter to fill the gap "pjm who" has left behind.

dear mr. grinch.
you are a mean one, trying to steal all that Christmas joy.
i am blessed by your example.
i can chose to sit with my mangy dog.  alone. atop of my heap of pity.
or i can embrace the "who" season and sing arm-in-arm with my family.
glad your heart grew three times that day
and you carved the roast beast.
wishing you a merry Christmas-
chrissy "lou who"

dear "who" family near & far,
merry Christmas dear ones.
 people are watching and listening just like that little cindy lou who.
our lives always speak of our faith-and we have spoken well this year.
let's squeeze our hearts around Christmas
and encourage each other to live his and His legacy.
tight hugs & warm kisses-
mama-chris "who"

dear God.
your son.  his birth.
it is not about the gifts we give each other in honor of Jesus.
but about the gift You give us.
thanks for transforming hearts-mr. grinch's & mine.
me who needs you

1 comment:

  1. Chris,
    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!! Happy 27th Anniversary, Amber wrote of you today and I so admire the love you have!
    Laura Beth