Wednesday, October 30, 2013

and on a lighter note. meet calvin.

after monday's post of heavy honesty,
thought I'd bring a bit of light to you today.

i am please to introduce you to my dog. Calvin.

yep.  a jack russel.  he's 13 now and a some of his brown has turned to white.  
not sure what the glowy eyes are about.  just a bad photo i suppose.

calvin and i are having a conflict.  an issue.  a battle i refuse to lose {probably because of all "that" other loss & lack of control, right?}.  over the summer he became an ass chewer-not mine, his.  we went to the vet in hopes of ending his obsession with biting himself till he bleeds.  shampoo.  pills.  cream. even a stinkin' blood test.  the gamut.  he STILL insists upon feasting on his ass.  so i had to resort to the dreaded "cone of shame".  you know.  that plastic satellite dish kind of thing stuck around his neck so he can't reach his bottom.  but then it has somehow turned into a battle of wills and he resorted to his next move which was to hide the cone in our backyard.  sweet brown eyes & i searched under every bush, behind every tree but its gone. we cannot find it anywhere.  it felt like this 12 pound pooch had won & of course he was still nibbling at his tailend.  so i upped my game refusing to be beat by a 13 year old dog-that's 91 in human years {how this whole one dog year is equal to seven human years is still one of those scientific concepts i will never fully grasp}.  so yesterday i marched myself back to petsmart & purchased another cone.  here is a clip of him in his new cone.

dear calvin.
i win.  you look foolish with the cone
but the pink does make your eyes "POP".
 that hue has to threaten your masculinity. 
i am going to take you to dog park for a field trip.
all the other male dogs are going to laugh at you & your chomped up ass.
you wiggle your way out of this one,
and i will bedazzle the next one.
just stop gnawing.
let it heal.
your owner.

dear cone{s}.
i have invested $12.38 twice now, not to mention the vet bill.
your sole purpose here on this earth is to stay on my calvin's neck.
if he tries to hide you under a bush or behind the air conditioner, you best yell for help.
do your damn job or i am going to return you.
your owner too!

dear pjm.
remember that first vet visit with calvin & arthur {our 14 year old lab}
 we were told arthur wasn't going to last much longer.
 you then asked the vet how long calvin would live since he was such a small pup.
the vet replied "perhaps 20 years".
to which you loudly replied "20 damn years with this dog-you have to be kidding me"
i would trade the ass chewing canine in a heartbeat to have you back.
love you.


  1. You forgot to mention the part where he spites you. FOR THE SECOND TIME. It's okay, Hazel-pups will deliver. I gave her a long pep talk about her detective work this morning.

    1. Thee is so much about this heathen dog I forgot to mention. Like how he barks to get out just to promptly bark to come back in. Oh please Shalvie.