Saturday, September 21, 2013

what i learned from a roller coaster...

no school.  what's a mom & son to do on a friday in september.  go to disneyland? that sweet brown eyed boy thinks disneyland is for the faint of heart, and his heart seeks that which produces adrenaline.  knotts berry farm it was.  all day, yesterday.  one adrenaline rush followed by another and another.

this is his favorite...its called "xcelerator" because it accelerates from 0 to 82 mph in just a few seconds.  the ascend is 200 feet with a twist and 205 foot drop straight toward earth.

i was never much of a thrill rider.  as a child i would stare up at the twists of metal & cables competent disaster would strike the moment my chubby ten year old body was harnessed in. with each subsequent visit to an amusement park, i would feed that veracious fear monger.  then i became an adult, and that vendor of terror became bolder and audacious convincing me i would most likely die {or at least snap my neck}.  so i would spectate, never participating in the smallest dose of that adrenaline.  

lessons about living, and being brave, and doing really hard things have become the new normal for our family. yesterday sweet brown eyes & me...we rode that track of pink & green metal together.  his eyes dancing with excitement.  my small & still with incessant fear.  

dear xcelerator.
glad you were only a 30 second wonder.
but you taught me so much about overcoming in those few moments.
 the line is worse than the ride.
kind of like waiting is harder than the actual doing of life.
you allowed me to scream louder than i believed humanly possible.
it was the perfect storm of panic & exhalation of air from my windpipes.
having sweet brown eyes buckled in next to me
reminds me there are lovies traveling thru life with me always.
and that monster of angst i nurtured all these years,
i left him sitting on your platform.
thanks for teaching me i can live wholeheartedly-bravely-all while still deathly afraid.
rider at 11:34 am yesterday.

p.s.  could you please stop snapping those photos of all the riders.  totally unflattering.

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe you didn't buy a picture of your neck almost snapping and post it for all the world to see.... Or maybe I can. Because, if you had, I might think that roller coaster had somehow damaged your sound judgment and that would be a whole new problem of it's own! :)