Wednesday, September 11, 2013

i think i just heard you say pantie liners

so remember a few months back when there was a "test" of the fire alarms?

try this story on for & pjm had just finished lunch in the dining room {pjm eats and i observe and chat...never do i eat there.  it is utterly unappetizing.  kind of like witnessing a collision between a food truck & a frat house.  i digress.} we were casually strolling down the hallway when a usually bubbly resident {let's call her muriel} comes marching around the corner about as angry as a raging bull with his testicles tied up in a flank strap.

i so kindly ask:  gosh muriel, what's wrong?

muriel retorts:  an intruder has burglarized my room and something most valuable is missing!  i want it returned now or i will be moving out of this place.

i so kindly respond:  it is very frustrating when something precious is missing and i bet the staff at the front can help you locate it.  {so logical & helpful of me, right?}

muriel declares while point at pjm who is unaware of her and her rant and is instead busy loading and unloading himself in and out of his bedroom slippers:  he is the thief who has stolen my valuables!

i so kindly reply:  why muriel, that's impossible because pjm and i have been together all morning and i know he never went in any room but his own. i seriously have been with him for the last three hours. he took nothing of yours.  promise.

muriel shouts:  well someone has stolen all of my pantie liners and i am going to find out who or i am leaving-moving out of here.

i so big-eyed and broad-smiled giggle:  why yes muriel, that's is truly an issue.  i have not seen any pantie liners but lets find someone that can help you with this.

dear muriel.
you have left me with so many unanswered questions.
what brand were they?  lightdays-kotex-carefree or just plain old generic liners.
were they the kind with wings or without?
and most importantly why, when you are pressing almost 80, do you even need pantie liners?
auntie flo is not swinging by your parts of the woods regularly? is she-please say no.
wait.  can i retract that question?  i have just crossed over the line.
i am not honestly ready to know about 80 year-olds & their need for pantie liners.

investigative team member

p.s.  this is not muriel OR her pantie liners.  just some random pic from google images.
how do you think this curious boy wrapped that one around his penis?  or more importantly-took it off!
and for those of you that don't know...
these are lightdays brand {see the box behind him-by his right heel}
and they don't have wings.


  1. This is hilarious!! Now I have so many unanswered questions too...but I'd rather leave them unanswered!! Loving your blog...your transparency and your humor. Now I see why Amber genetically gets her fabulousness from you! Praying for your family...I'm sure you will not turn out being a moth that flies around the front porch light, but a gorgeous butterfly. :)

  2. Totally hilarious! It's funny {and sad} to see how the mind can begin to unravel. And she was so darn mad at pjm {who was very busy minding his own business}. Thanks for prayers-it is my children & God's grace & strength that are getting me thru this season. Appreciate you stopping by.