Tuesday, December 18, 2012

all i want for christmas is you...

a couple of months ago, our pastor was giving a sermon on worship music.
he was explaining how many of today's secular songs can be turned to worship songs.
if you take the message the artist is singing about or to &
turn the words to Christ instead.
this works.  i get it most of the time.  "red solo cup" and "pontoon" don't necessarily work,
put i understood his point.
i love Christmas.
the taste of peppermint bark-the smell of pine-the touch of new flannel pjs & the chill in the air-
the sight of all that sparkles-the sound of Christmas tunes.
today while i driving, i was listening to "all i want for Christmas is you"
it brought tears {there have been lots of those this month}
because peter continues to move quickly in his dementia
and it leaves me wondering how our family will look in a year.
here are some of the words to the song...
"I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas is
You... yeah"
and i just kept thinking all i want for Christmas is my old husband back.
that sarcastic, business suave, love of my life...just you pjm.
he is the one thing i truly need this Christmas.
 but my head knows that is impossible-never going to happen.

i think back to the sermon & try to imagine me singing those words to Christ.
all i want for Christmas is you God.
i just want You for my very own.

honestly.  that doesn't work.  i truly want my pjm back.
big & bold as always.

i pray.
dear God.
help me understand the un-understandable.
give me calm in the chaos.
grant me peace in this season {that is supposed} fill with joy.
let my tears stop.  my mascara is not waterproof.

a quiet answer from Him.  a change in perspective.
i am not singing this song of worship to God.
He is singing to me.
this is how the verse goes.

"mama bird, I don't want a lot for Christmas
there is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
underneath your Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
more than you, mama bird, could ever know
make my wish come true...
all I want for Christmas is
you, mama bird... yeah"

can i make His wish come true?
can i stop focusing on me & my loss & my wants
and find the joy of Christ in this season
by simply being His very own with all of my hurts & heart?

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